There are a number of things that are troubling when one is in a domestic relationship that is atypical by American standards. Yet the single most troubling thing is the amount of personal questions one asks when my wife and I tell our friends (which automatically becomes telling our acquaintances because our crew is like that): "We are going to start trying to get pregnant soon."
Now to me this isn't that strange of a statement. Straight couples say it all the time. There are never any follow-up questions. Now I understand that some couples the answers are unnecessary and more times than not it is just the birds and the bees and blammo! 9 months later a beautiful baby is born.
Let's be honest, I don't go around asking near strangers: 'So girl on top? Boy on top? IVF? AI?' Unless they offer that information up to me, I just figure 'ok biological imperative, sperm will meet egg. the end.'
I get it. The motor functions and sex cells of a lesbian couples differ, and my wife and I can't simply get pregnant by getting sloppy drunk and pumping our hips for 7 to 10 minutes. But basic biology still applies. Sperm must meet egg, become zygote, implant, grow baby. The how is really not all that important in most cases.
And I'm not talking about true friends, friends can ask whatever questions they darn well please. I'm more talking about acquaintances and near strangers. That is when my fuse truly shortens.
The most common questions and responses for us are as follows:
"Who is the donor?"
Who cares! And thanks for reminding us that we are not fully capable of making a child ourselves. Much appreciated. We are aware we have a donor, and we do love him dearly. The details don't really matter, and we'd like to keep the knowledge of that a bit under wraps to people we don't know well, more judging isn't exactly what we are going for.
"Ummm....how are you going to do it, I just don't get it."
I generally give a response of 'turkey baster' completely in jest, and that always leads to....
"You are really going to just turkey baster that sh*t?"
No you idiot. I'm not actually going to use a certified bonafide turkey baster, but explaining the details of a syringe is just awkward at the bar.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Yes. I am sure. You told me last week you were trying too. And never once did anyone say to you such nonsense. It is not like my wife and I just woke up one day and said 'Holy crap let's start flying across the country regularly to our donor and get preggers' TODAY. We actually thought through this. A lot.
"So if you are carrying does that make you the 'girl' in the relationship?"
Last time I checked there was no 'boy' in my relationship, so if that is what you are implying...
Now don't get me wrong, these are few and far between, and more often than not we are hugged and kissed and asked permission before we are asked personal questions. And that is awesome! But this is just a cautionary tale. And I'm working on some good retorts, so be forewarned.
*Note: Any comments that are negative about lesbian couples raising children, god didn't intend our relationship, etc will be promptly deleted. Thanks!
Now to me this isn't that strange of a statement. Straight couples say it all the time. There are never any follow-up questions. Now I understand that some couples the answers are unnecessary and more times than not it is just the birds and the bees and blammo! 9 months later a beautiful baby is born.
Let's be honest, I don't go around asking near strangers: 'So girl on top? Boy on top? IVF? AI?' Unless they offer that information up to me, I just figure 'ok biological imperative, sperm will meet egg. the end.'
I get it. The motor functions and sex cells of a lesbian couples differ, and my wife and I can't simply get pregnant by getting sloppy drunk and pumping our hips for 7 to 10 minutes. But basic biology still applies. Sperm must meet egg, become zygote, implant, grow baby. The how is really not all that important in most cases.
And I'm not talking about true friends, friends can ask whatever questions they darn well please. I'm more talking about acquaintances and near strangers. That is when my fuse truly shortens.
The most common questions and responses for us are as follows:
"Who is the donor?"
Who cares! And thanks for reminding us that we are not fully capable of making a child ourselves. Much appreciated. We are aware we have a donor, and we do love him dearly. The details don't really matter, and we'd like to keep the knowledge of that a bit under wraps to people we don't know well, more judging isn't exactly what we are going for.
"Ummm....how are you going to do it, I just don't get it."
I generally give a response of 'turkey baster' completely in jest, and that always leads to....
"You are really going to just turkey baster that sh*t?"
No you idiot. I'm not actually going to use a certified bonafide turkey baster, but explaining the details of a syringe is just awkward at the bar.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Yes. I am sure. You told me last week you were trying too. And never once did anyone say to you such nonsense. It is not like my wife and I just woke up one day and said 'Holy crap let's start flying across the country regularly to our donor and get preggers' TODAY. We actually thought through this. A lot.
"So if you are carrying does that make you the 'girl' in the relationship?"
Last time I checked there was no 'boy' in my relationship, so if that is what you are implying...
Now don't get me wrong, these are few and far between, and more often than not we are hugged and kissed and asked permission before we are asked personal questions. And that is awesome! But this is just a cautionary tale. And I'm working on some good retorts, so be forewarned.
*Note: Any comments that are negative about lesbian couples raising children, god didn't intend our relationship, etc will be promptly deleted. Thanks!
It's continually shocking to me how ignorant and nosy people are! You and Evie are amazing and these people need to STFU!
ReplyDeleteI just clicked over from the Apothecary Circle page on Facebook, and I just had to comment on this post. I am the female half of a straight couple who used ART to try to get pregnant. (It never happened; we adopted our two, which is how we ended up with kids much cuter than we could have created on our own!) I had to laugh at this: "Let's be honest, I don't go around asking near strangers: 'So girl on top? Boy on top? IVF? AI?'" I got to the point during our fertility woes where I swore I was going to start asking personal questions like that of those people who thought our reproductive issues were any of their business. I like the way you think. :) xo
ReplyDeleteHi Meghann! Thanks for stopping by. And yes, you are correct, this is a common issue. :) I'm glad that MOST of my friends are respectful, can't say that for everyone though.
ReplyDelete